On Flashbacks and the Future
OKAYYY, guys..... I was just reading a journal entry that I wrote in June of 2021. We had just moved to Oklahoma. I exulted in the limitless creative space of this new environment, but I was steeped in a newfound self-awareness that felt sticky, bulky, blue. The mental scene was something like: "Ahhhh... so I HAVE relied solely on my extended family for that..." "Oooohhh... I never noticed that I do that thing to Michael..." "Ummmm... is that REALLY what I think?" And speaking of how I think? At that point, I still thought that if I just read enough scriptures, my personal flaws would be resolved. If I could just piece together enough inspired verse, I might break the code of how and when and why my weakness wasn't solved yet. I needed to be a gospel machine, dispensing faith and service, running smoothly, knowing all. I saw my marriage much the same, expecting us to be doing things, joint tasking, child-raising, checking off days well done. And sitt