A Cancer Mother's Psalm

I was reading Psalms this week and found myself thinking, "These are SO personal- such an investment of soul from the author to God. I wonder what my current psalm would be." Articulating my desires and requests in prayers/in general has been really difficult (because when you can't want basic safety for your children, what else is there?) It's nice to have a few words that feel genuine.

Oh Lord, maker of medicine and healer of homes,
Breathe gently on the shards of what we’ve been.

From ashes, hot with grief, make way for us to live again.
My sad and sober soul, adrift, alone in seas of change,
has, in the darkness, seen the stars-
Our genesis, our end.
I thank thee, Lord, for teaching me
through sufferings of my past.
Once made to bend, now I can mend
this wound, my great and last.
My heart, subdued, does not desire
a different fate than ours.
I only ask the strength to feel.
and access to thy powers.
I hear your call to show the tender canvas of my soul,
Oh give me, Lord, your fingertip
and I will part the veil with it
and share it with the world.
My son. I can’t release, retain, or claim him past his time
but please return him often
Keep him ours. Please keep him mine.
When time swoops down, oh let my heart
remember and stay soft,
with sadness just enough, but not
so much to drown in loss.
As always I have seen you there,
continue in my view.
Keep leaving, Lord, your fingerprints.
No reasons, just that evidence
and I will trust in you.

*Also included below, my brainstorm sheet with the list of what I wanted to say. Less fancy but equally true lol