A Cancer Mother's Psalm
I was reading Psalms this week and found myself thinking, "These are SO personal- such an investment of soul from the author to God. I wonder what my current psalm would be." Articulating my desires and requests in prayers/in general has been really difficult (because when you can't want basic safety for your children, what else is there?) It's nice to have a few words that feel genuine.
Oh Lord, maker of medicine and healer of homes,
Breathe gently on the shards of what we’ve been.
Oh Lord, maker of medicine and healer of homes,
Breathe gently on the shards of what we’ve been.
From ashes, hot with grief, make way for us to live again.
My sad and sober soul, adrift, alone in seas of change,
has, in the darkness, seen the stars-
Our genesis, our end.
I thank thee, Lord, for teaching me
through sufferings of my past.
Once made to bend, now I can mend
this wound, my great and last.
My heart, subdued, does not desire
a different fate than ours.
I only ask the strength to feel.
and access to thy powers.
I hear your call to show the tender canvas of my soul,
Oh give me, Lord, your fingertip
and I will part the veil with it
and share it with the world.
My son. I can’t release, retain, or claim him past his time
but please return him often
Keep him ours. Please keep him mine.
When time swoops down, oh let my heart
remember and stay soft,
with sadness just enough, but not
so much to drown in loss.
As always I have seen you there,
continue in my view.
Keep leaving, Lord, your fingerprints.
No reasons, just that evidence
and I will trust in you.
My sad and sober soul, adrift, alone in seas of change,
has, in the darkness, seen the stars-
Our genesis, our end.
I thank thee, Lord, for teaching me
through sufferings of my past.
Once made to bend, now I can mend
this wound, my great and last.
My heart, subdued, does not desire
a different fate than ours.
I only ask the strength to feel.
and access to thy powers.
I hear your call to show the tender canvas of my soul,
Oh give me, Lord, your fingertip
and I will part the veil with it
and share it with the world.
My son. I can’t release, retain, or claim him past his time
but please return him often
Keep him ours. Please keep him mine.
When time swoops down, oh let my heart
remember and stay soft,
with sadness just enough, but not
so much to drown in loss.
As always I have seen you there,
continue in my view.
Keep leaving, Lord, your fingerprints.
No reasons, just that evidence
and I will trust in you.
*Also included below, my brainstorm sheet with the list of what I wanted to say. Less fancy but equally true lol
Wow…expressing the depth of your heart AND your faith. Absolutely beautiful and heart touching ❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting into words the things that I am feeling in my soul!!
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully stated.
ReplyDelete😭😭😭
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing! Keep strong and put one step in front of the other to get through this journey. God is always there for all of you.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteSo Beautiful!! You are so gifted!! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, thanks for sharing it
ReplyDeleteLove you. Wishing you peace and clarity always on this sacred journey
ReplyDeleteThe Lord is trying to shape your soul and you, humbly, let Him do it. Thank you for teaching us how to accept very hard times making it an opportunity to grow. You are amazing🌹
ReplyDeleteOrnella
Oh my goodness! So very beautiful and heartbreaking and thought provoking and inspiring. Thank you! Love you soooo much!
ReplyDeleteOh Erica, just amazing. You are so talented. Thank you for sharing. Many prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHoly molly this is awesome thoughts and prayers wrapped up together
ReplyDelete